Tuesday, September 30, 2014

From A Scrap of Paper Found on the Floor (not my work)

...you must eliminate typos.  Do not write Matthew when you mean Mark, on a letter, even though the document is not set to mail merge, and is, hence, destined for failure (your fault).  We’ve lost faith in you, so we do most things ourselves.  This way they may not be completely right, but they will not be riddled by your simple errors, but our larger, unreported errors (i.e. they are not traceable).  You must not commit suicide. Who else would do your job, no matter how half-assed you are currently going about your tasks.  The great promise that you once had has proven to be a little promise. You thought you were destined for great things, but that is all over…too many starts and stops and falls and not very dramatic failures have brought you to this place riddled with typos, fault lines, and errors, the missteps of a man not destined for perfection, which is reserved for HaShem, Blessed Be His Name, but for a man without even the shadow of a wife, children, home, a place of space, and acres of silent woods and fields where he can cry and cry to G-d...

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

10 Ways to Improve Your Professional Performance: A POEM

10 Ways to Improve Your Professional Performance

1.        Extract the typos from the sole of your foot

2.        You confused insure and ensure, and sent it to the list-serve

3.        Then you forgot a period

4.        Attention to detail is a code phrase for mistakes that I can make  but that you are under no circumstances to make at all

5.        If you die tomorrow, we will all be sad, but then your memory will fade, and we will move on and forgot even the shape of your nose

6.        You will grow old and the pain in your side will grow too

7.        We will bcc your tragic little nightmares of petty wrongdoing to the list-serve

8.        And this will be your life until you die in either

a.        the flesh

b.        the spirit

c.        or both

9.        Odds are you will die in the spirit on January 9, 2020

10.     Do not invoke your pantheistic god but cling to the hole of your misdemeanors and clannish Jewish sins.

Friday, September 19, 2014

The One Volume Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson and the Art of Power is a well-written, engaging biography of a man who not only helped create our country, but also had a host of talents, skills, areas of expertise that moved far beyond the statecraft.

The book is not afraid to be a critique of Jefferson, even as it is a cheerleader at times.  Jefferson was had many contradictions (as well all do) that his were larger simply speaks to the greater role he played in his times.

For someone who wants to understand Jefferson without getting into many volume tomes on the details of his long life and career, this book is a fine middle of the road treatment.