From A Scrap of Paper Found on the Floor (not my work)

...you must eliminate typos.  Do not write Matthew when you mean Mark, on a letter, even though the document is not set to mail merge, and is, hence, destined for failure (your fault).  We’ve lost faith in you, so we do most things ourselves.  This way they may not be completely right, but they will not be riddled by your simple errors, but our larger, unreported errors (i.e. they are not traceable).  You must not commit suicide. Who else would do your job, no matter how half-assed you are currently going about your tasks.  The great promise that you once had has proven to be a little promise. You thought you were destined for great things, but that is all over…too many starts and stops and falls and not very dramatic failures have brought you to this place riddled with typos, fault lines, and errors, the missteps of a man not destined for perfection, which is reserved for HaShem, Blessed Be His Name, but for a man without even the shadow of a wife, children, home, a place of space, and acres of silent woods and fields where he can cry and cry to G-d...

10 Ways to Improve Your Professional Performance: A POEM

10 Ways to Improve Your Professional Performance

1.Extract the typos from the sole of your foot

2.You confused insure and ensure, and sent it to the list-serve

3.Then you forgot a period

4. Attention to detail is a code phrase for mistakes that I can make  but that you are under no circumstances to make at all

5. If you die tomorrow, we will all be sad, but then your memory will fade, and we will move on and forgot even the shape of your nose

6.You will grow old and the pain in your side will grow too

7. We will bcc your tragic little nightmares of petty wrongdoing to the list-serve

8. And this will be your life until you die in either
a.  the flesh
b.  the spirit
c.  or both

9. Odds are you will die in the spirit on January 9, 2020 by your own hand

10. Do not invoke your pantheistic god but cling to the hole of your misdemeanors and clannish Jewish sins.

The One Volume Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson and the Art of Power is a well-written, engaging biography of a man who not only helped create our country, but also had a host of talents, skills, areas of expertise that moved far beyond the statecraft.

The book is not afraid to be a critique of Jefferson, even as it is a cheerleader at times.  Jefferson was had many contradictions (as well all do) that his were larger simply speaks to the greater role he played in his times.

For someone who wants to understand Jefferson without getting into many volume tomes on the details of his long life and career, this book is a fine middle of the road treatment.

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A Wedding Reading

My reading from a Wedding -- July 2012

Helen and Kris asked me to add a Yiddish and Jewish element to their ceremony.   Obviously, there are traditional formal ceremonies that are performed at weddings, but Judaism also has a strong tradition of vernacular story-telling, and is also a very matriarchal culture.  So before I read the eight traditional Hebrew wedding benedictions, I think it’s appropriate to share this Yiddish story:

Among Yiddish speakers, the expression Skotsl kumt, which means “Skotsl’s here,” is used by a woman to greet another woman when she comes into the house.  There is a story that explains that domestic greeting.  The story goes like this:

Once upon a time, women complained that everything in the world belonged to men.  Men got to perform the mitzvoth, or Jewish religious commandments.  They were called to read from the Torah… the world seemed to belong to them, and they got to do everything.  As for  women, they got nothing.  In fact, no one paid them much attention at all.  So they decided to form a group that would take their complaint to the Lord of the Universe.

But how was it to be done?  Well… they decided they would heap women up into a tower, one on top of the other, until the woman at the very tip could pull herself into heaven.  

The first thing they did, then, was to dig a pit in which one of the women knelt.  Then the other women climbed on her, one on top of the other.  They decided that at the top of the pile would be a woman named Skotsl.    Skotsl was very clever and as skillful speaker, so she was chosen as the one who would talk with the Lord of the Universe.  

Everything went well as the women were climbing onto each other.  But just as Skotsl reached the top of the tower, the woman at the base twisted about, and the women came tumbling down.  Well, of course there was nothing but noise and confusion, with everyone trying to locate everyone else.  And though they searched for her everywhere, Skotsl was nowhere to be found.

It was unclear whether she had reached heaven or not, but the situation of the women remained unchanged.  Everything still belonged to the men.  But from that time on, women have not lost their hope that Skotsl will complete her talk with God and come back.   

And that’s why, whenever a woman comes into a Yiddish home, all the other women call out joyfully:  “Skotsl kumt,” or “Here comes Skotsl!”   Because, they reason:  Who knows?  One day she might really be here, and change will be possible.

This is a story about cooperation and about hope.  Cooperation and hope are the best elements of a good marriage.  Cooperation is essential… but when things in this story went wrong, the women stuck together and hoped for the best.  Without hope, the entire story would change.  These women didn’t blame each other.  They didn’t despair that things hadn’t gone as planned.  They remained joyful, and continued to greet and welcome each other into their domestic spaces. 

The story is also about mystery.  Did Skotsl make it to the Lord of the Universe, or was she somehow lost along the way?   

There are some things that can’t be known, and mystery should not be feared.   But I think that weddings like this one are evidence that Skotsl did make it to the heavens.   Things are changing, and change is good.  Helen and Kris, continue to be cooperative and hopeful, and welcome mystery into your lives. 

And with that, we’ll start the eight Hebrew benedictions, or traditional wedding blessings.  I’ll read them in Hebrew, and then translate them into English.