Monday, December 21, 2009

Today, Tomorrow, Yesterday

There seems to be some element of dysfunction with my connection to the past.

My dreams are crowded with images of past people, places, things, and the urgent sense that something needs to be made right that is wrong.

I've discussed these dreams with a professional. The image of the house is paramount in my dream-scape. Its has obvious connection to family life and its connected image of safety and security. Many of my dream houses are semi-permeable. They are missing walls, or private spaces that spill out into public spaces. There are uninvited people in their rooms. There is the feeling that the private space will be invaded by some unknown force.

Last night was a typical dream:

My family was in a house without real walls; in front of us, the house of my very old friends from Long Island. There was a great scaffold or crane, and this family was on it. They were in danger of falling but appeared not to sense it. They were joined by other people, strangers. Then, one man began to dangle from the contraption. He fell. I remember thinking: now I must explain violent death to my children. He landed on the ground in one unlikely hop and walked away.

Then the family, the old friends, came down. My old friend came to my broken little house, no more than beams and posts, and gave me a half embrace. His hair, long for over twenty years, was cut.

That is all I remember. What is it about? It is about the mind's attempt to meld the past, the present, and the future. Today, tomorrow and yesterday. How can it all be related? The self, seemingly so stable, is under constant pressure to change. What is the thread that connects yesterday with today and with tomorrow?

There is the obvious sense in this dream of fear, danger, and need for protection and solace, the idea that we are very puny in the universe. This is expressed in this dream. But also the hope. There is continuing love, even if it is only in the form of a half hug through broken down house.

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